I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
