The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
