I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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