I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
