Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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