apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
