i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She's JV to your varsity
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
