White coat. Heels.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize