Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
