There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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