Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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