i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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