I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
