i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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