I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
