i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize