i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
