Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize