He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
