just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
