hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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