Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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