so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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