Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize