I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
