Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
