nutella sex= disaster
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
