i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm just crazy horny about you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how drunk are you?
Several
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize