I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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