rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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