She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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