I'm going to jail i love you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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