sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
