turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
