I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
