I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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