first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
