Plan B is the new Plan A
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
