It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
