i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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