i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My balls are so social today.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
