A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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