He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
