i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
