Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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