Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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