This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
