But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
