by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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