I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's rum buckets o'clock
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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