4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
