I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize