ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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