Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize