this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she pinky promised me she was 18
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize