I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
A+ Viking dick
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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