ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
