Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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