Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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