I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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