remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
