So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
