Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
