I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i don't like sucking hair
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
