I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
