Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
FUCK WHALES
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
