I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
