Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
pray to the hookup gods
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
