guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
