You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
